Two guys, Jimmy and Johnny, stand at heaven's gate, waiting to be interviewed by Saint Peter.Jimmy: "How did you get here?"Johnny: "Hypothermia. You?"Jimmy: "You won't believe it. I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early one day, hoping to catch the guy. I accused her of being unfaithful and searched the entire house without any luck. Then, I felt so horrible about the whole thing that I had a massive heart attack."Johnny: "Oh, man. If you'd only checked the walk-in freezer, we'd both be alive."
As told by Maggie Grace in Esquire Magazine.
Warning: Adult Humor! Beware!
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "Sorry, do you know me?"She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I think you might be the father of one of my children!"His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "No kidding?" he says. "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my buddies while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and jammed a cucumber up my ass?!""Um, no", she replied coldly, "I'm your son's English teacher".....
Thanks NJ N NJ (LOL)
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