Monday, July 04, 2005

“Momma N Nem”

Being from an island sounds exotic and it is, but go north (a piece-lol) across the bridge and you have landed in REDNECK TERRITORY. When ask where I am from, an immediate long explanation flows at a rate of 2000 words in 60 seconds without a pause. An urge to explain quickly that this small island beach resort starts the Florida Panhandle, and is another country aside from the State it is attached to. Sweet Home Alabama! Sometimes I save my breath and just say Pensacola, Florida.

Inland, there are NO dictionaries or teaching tapes for the native language spoke by the locals, but if you listen to the “Cable Guy” or “If you think you are a Redneck” Jeff Foxworthy then you get the idea. You have to be a football fan, Alabama or Auburn, there are no neutral sidelines. Myself I still remain a die-hard Auburn Tiger and proud of it. Pick'em-up trucks and Bush Beer are the local favorites. Chewing tobacco is still NOT outlawed in public places. Getting Drunk is the number one most talked about subject and fried food is considered the gourmet of choice by the general population. The majority of people and their ancestors had never left the county, until Lotto started in Florida (a few miles away) and nickel slots were available in Mississippi, a 90 minute drive. On payday Fridays major traffic jams occur on I-10 all going west, come Monday the utility companies negotiate payment plans.

If you are not a business owner, highly educated professional or a retiree, then you are in the majority. You immediately think only OLD PEOPLE live there, because you hear all the time "MY OLE LADY" or "MY OLE MAN". You are ask the same question every time, if by 'accident' you bump into someone from the past (usually at the Wal-Mart if you are FORCED to go-when visiting),
“How is your Momma N Nem” ?????(all in one syllable) my common straight face response is always the same. “Momma is fine, but NEM didn’t make it”

My sister and I were talking the other day as we often do, bless her soul she is (stuck in the territory). Her husband, like a brother to me, with a successful business and has employees as described above. After this many years you learn all the characters and their unique stories on why they need "an advance" and what days they get sick on. Back to our conversation a day or so ago, my brother in law’s (brother’s cousin), as he refers to his relatives, Mr. Leo is pretty clever! One is named Bubba Ray and he hurt his back recently. She said all HE could say was “it is getting worser and worser” followed by wining and grunting sounds. Believe me; she gave me a verbal re-enactment over the phone. Bubba Ray is upset because it is keeping him from the casino and playing his nickels on the weekend. He knows he is going to win the progressive (1000’s- emphasized-drawn wayyyyyyy out) and afraid someone will hit it on his machine before he can get back over there. This guy was a born redneck, it happens. So many true stories to tell, with so little time, FOLKS this is Every Day REALITY for the ones that live there. NO JOKE! I am 'torn' on what picture to post, my sister emailed me a funny picture named My OLE LADY and I have filed a few redneck funnies pics, so not sure which one yet you will get with this post. Does ANYONE else know people like this, or am I the only one? A smart minority does live there, I must note. Ok, decided on this one, thought also this could be MADMAN's disgusting girl he works with. Wonder if she is a Roll Tide fan?
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