Thursday, March 16, 2006

My Side of the Story

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. It is hard to understand for some people what victims and their families must go through each and everyday as they struggle to go forward. I can’t completely explain to you what motivates me to keep pushing for people to help and protect children except for two reasons that come to my mind; for one I feel God has given me a purpose perhaps through this blog to get the messages out and the other from my own horrible personal experiences. I know ones get tired of seeing despicable posts about sex predators, rapists and Lord knows disgusting incompetent judges constantly highlighted here with me pleading for ones to contact the proper officials to change laws and do whatever is necessary for the protection of our nation’s children. Behind the scenes, I see people seeking information through search engines and that shows me that apparently not many are reporting this - for them to find me-this blog. Just recently I discovered that if you type in “HR4472” under Google “BLOG SEARCH” (The child safety Act for ones that are not aware) only two blogs appeared, mine and Blogs For Fox . I found that very disturbing, maybe because HR4472 was in the titles of our posts, I am not really sure.

It has been so many years ago now, but it is a memory that never really goes away. My choice was to take the positive road and get beyond my experiences with doing something in my life instead of going down the road of destruction. Our Lord and a friend helped me see the fork in the road back then for two choices. Even though these days’ people are speaking out about things that happened to them back in the 80’s and before, it still holds a stigma of feeling as if you are tainted or it was your fault in some way. I was fondled repeatedly as a young child by a relative then harshly disciplined due to my defiance to be obedient. (I am putting this mildly to say the very least) Back then, children were not taught, to talk with their parents or discuss such subjects as this, you as a child tried to handle an adult with a child mind for defense and try to avoid that person and other times just acting out hoping someone would notice that something was wrong. Later on, it lead to drugs and doing things that I wish now, I would have done differently. I ended up marrying an abusive husband for a short period of time and during my separation, like Natalee Hollaway or the girl in N.Y. I was out drinking having fun late night and I became one out of 3 women according to the statics. (1 out of 3)

It was after midnight with a few hours left of darkness and I headed to my car. An acquaintance of my ex-husband called me over to a vehicle and said he needed to talk with me. It was freezing cold and by his insistence encouraged me to sit in a (his?) car with the heater on, well before I knew what was happening two other guys jumped in that I did not know. (Abducted) No one could hear my screams or pleading down the long dirt road in the woods along the intercoastal waterway that was on the water edge of the island I lived on. Threats were made that an anchor was next for me and all I could do was pray and look up for the sunrise to come. Back then rape victims had almost zero chance of getting a conviction of a rapist(s), actually the rapist became the victim and the victim would be drug through the dirt. No DNA, no witnesses, he said she said and then your reputation was ruined.

Well, I moved on with goals to be happy, positive, and most importantly protect my children against what I had endured as a child and educate them to be able to tell me anything no matter what. A few people in my life summed up their theory on why I would not commit to marriage during the time I was rearing my children, and they were probably right. I never wanted to be blinded by love for someone that may harm my children in any way or bring someone in their life that may alter my goals on raising them with love, understanding, and my firm determination for them to grow up in a safe environment. My plan developed as I went along teaching them how to love, know God, laugh, have morals, manners, respect, stand up for what you believe in, and never let someone take advantage of you. Even to this day, I remind them constantly to be aware of their surrounding, being observant, be careful, listen to your instincts, pray for guidance, watch who you trust, beware of what is happening, etc. I could go on and on with my mission for them and everyone else that wishes to listen.

When I publish posts involving sexual abuse and I see ones “I know” come in my blog and exit without acknowledging or stating how wrong this is for sex predators to walk freely among us, pretending that this cannot happen to them or their children, and/or this is a nasty subject for them, etc. (I don't know the reason why honestly that these posts are different than any other to them) I become sad, angry, disappointed, discouraged, outraged, and a flood of mixed emotions takes over me. I try telling myself that they are taking action, if nothing else at the very least.... because we are friends online and this means a great deal to me. It is obvious when I post about it regularly and have in my profile that I am an advocate for helping to pass tougher laws to protect our children, I don’t have to do this. However, one day I may have grandchildren or a beautiful child that lives next door that I love that need these laws to make sure that we are putting these monsters in jail for life. THERE IS NO CURE!! The children's future is in our hands, so what are we going to do about it? I don’t want to think that people I have enacted with for a long time, truly feels that these criminals should be able to get by with this and/or they support the predators due to many reasons if it be viewing it as a non-issue, a political view, or whatever the reason. Unfortunately, this has become a partisan issue too, it has been revealed that the judges that are giving these monsters lenient sentences are liberals and this is a fact. I still shake my head at decent, caring, level headed adults, parents or not that condone this epidemic of unthinkable acts.

This post is long, I want to thank the ones that have always been here for me when I post one of these horrible injustices against children, ones that have written emails, have linked or posted in regards to this and everything in between from support, understanding and the friendship I feel towards you, and you know who you are. I never thought I would ever get the courage to write this post about my own experiences. I’m going to have to re-group and take a deep breath before I can continue.

Yesterday when I could not go on any longer, Dee at Chatterbox Chronicles-Little Miss Chatterbox followed up with current researched information in a new post with many links. Please go to her site for the latest on The Despicable Judge # 2 –Judge Connor Thank you. God Bless!!

P.S. Miss Lisa-Beyond Frazzled-Ohio Please check out her blog, she has posted 3 times today on information in ref: to Connor as it unfolds in Columbus, Ohio. Tomorrow Connors is suppose to be in a PARADE...can you believe it? It you read the Columbus Dispatch it will only make you more furious, don't even bother.
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